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Husband Discovers Genius Way to Inspire Wife to Perform House Chores

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Husband Discovers Genius Way to Inspire Wife to Perform House Chores

Not actual baby.  Merely an actor reenacting the gruesome series of events.

Not actual baby. Merely an actor reenacting the gruesome series of events.

A man who clearly skipped a few important chapters in the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Fatherhood has been accused of giving methamphetamine-laced water to his wife while she was nursing their poor three-month-old baby.

But wait!  It gets better…

The wisdom behind this move:  35-year-old William Lee Bieber told authorities he made his wife drink meth water to “give her energy to clean the house.”

That is just WRONG.

No, seriously — that approach is totally incorrect.  Here’s the right way, Mr. Bieber:  you get her hooked on heroin.  The first taste is free, then you refuse to give her any more hits until she scrubs some toilets.  Duh!

Bieber is now in jail for endangerment with a controlled substance, second-degree assault, domestic violence and five counts of witness-tampering after calling his wife 51 times from jail, despite a no-contact order.

The Laughing Stork’s sources say Mr. Bieber is finally getting that clean floor he so desperately wanted… as his cellmate Bubba mops the floor with HIM.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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