Husband Discovers Genius Way to Inspire Wife to Perform House Chores

Not actual baby. Merely an actor reenacting the gruesome series of events.

A man who clearly skipped a few important chapters in the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Fatherhood has been accused of giving methamphetamine-laced water to his wife while she was nursing their poor three-month-old baby.

But wait!  It gets better…

The wisdom behind this move:  35-year-old William Lee Bieber told authorities he made his wife drink meth water to “give her energy to clean the house.”

That is just WRONG.

No, seriously — that approach is totally incorrect.  Here’s the right way, Mr. Bieber:  you get her hooked on heroin.  The first taste is free, then you refuse to give her any more hits until she scrubs some toilets.  Duh!

Bieber is now in jail for endangerment with a controlled substance, second-degree assault, domestic violence and five counts of witness-tampering after calling his wife 51 times from jail, despite a no-contact order.

The Laughing Stork’s sources say Mr. Bieber is finally getting that clean floor he so desperately wanted… as his cellmate Bubba mops the floor with HIM.