Oh, Baby: The Birthing Orgasm

Whenever I ask mothers about their labor experience, the response I most commonly hear is, “Boy, did it feel GOOD!”  — usually followed by a huge smile of recollection and sudden desire to light a cigarette.  So it’s no surprise that a new documentary is touting the benefits of having an orgasm while giving birth.

Because there’s nothing sexier than pushing an eight-pound bowling ball out of your weeping 10-centimeter vagina!

Seriously, the only woman in this world who is conditioned to welcome that kind of experience is Shaquille O’Neal’s ex-wife.  And maybe Jenna Jameson.

However, one of the women featured in the film, 29-year-old Amber Hartnell, claims she did indeed experience a climax in the middle of giving birth to her son.

“All of a sudden, the orgasm just started rolling through and rolling through, and it just kept coming,” says Amber, who lives in Hawaii and is clearly familiar with the Hawaiian surfing phrase, “riding the wave.”

Orgasms, according to the film’s producer Debra Pascali-Bonaro, are “the best-kept secret” in childbirth.  Huh.  And here I thought it was the fact that you actually have to take the baby home with you and look after it for at least 18 years!  And, as I just learned from reading the fine print, the hospital won’t even accept returns for store credit.  (No kidding.  Did you know that?  If not, grab the condoms and run!  It’s too late for me… but, by God, save YOURSELVES!)

The documentary also points out that the hormones and chemicals released into the blood during sex, such as oxytocin and endorphins, are the same ones produced during labor.

I dunno.  If anyone‘s going to be seeing stars in that delivery room, it’s going to be my husband — after I slap him silly for putting me through that misery.