The Pregnancy News Reaction Awards

By  |  4 Comments

MOST UTTERLY DISAPPOINTING REACTION GOES TO…

Mr. Candy!

CANDY:  So, honey, I took a pregnancy test today and — I’m pregnant!

MR. CANDY:  Oh my God.  (TURNS PALE)  That’s scary.

MOST DRAMATIC RESPONSE IN A CRACKER BARREL RESTAURANT GOES TO…

Candy’s Mother-in-Law!

Candy’s MIL opens her Christmas card.  An ultrasound picture falls out.  A moment of silence, then:

CANDY’S MIL:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Candy’s MIL jumps up from the table in the middle of the Cracker Barrel, hopping up and down and fighting back tears of joy.  Other diners stare, then return to eating their Hickory Smoked Country Ham.

MOST BACKHANDED BEST WISHES FROM A READER GOES TO…

The reader who e-mailed THIS to me:

“Congratulations on/to/for your pregnant self. Because, I know, you would not have allowed yourself to become this unless you wanted to do this.”

Um, thanks?

REACTION THAT LEAST WENT ACCORDING TO PLAN GOES TO…

Candy’s Mom!

CANDY:  (SITTING ON HER MOM’S BED)  So… do you think you’d visit us in L.A. more often if you had a little grandchild out there?

CANDY’S MOM:  [INSERT DUMB STARE HERE]

CANDY:  (TEARS OF JOY STREAMING)  I’m pregnant!

CANDY’S MOM:  Huh?  What?  YOU — pregnant?!

CANDY:  Yes.  Me.  Pregnant.

CANDY’S MOM:  [INSERT DUMB STARE HERE]

RESPONDENT MOST LIKELY TO HAVE THE BABY NAMED AFTER HER IS…

The server at the Brandy Library bar/lounge in Tribeca!

Candy announces to her friends that she’s pregnant.  Moments later, the server brings Candy free celebratory dessert and instantly becomes Candy’s Favorite Person Ever.

Share the laughter!Share on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

Around the web

4 Comments

  1. lainey

    Mar 6, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    I just found out I was 8 wk pregnant, I hope I have some fun reactions like that. My husband said “My boys can swim”. All I could respond with was “Really, did you just say that”

    Congrats!

  2. Candy

    Mar 6, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Congrats, Lainey! I’m sure you’ll get some entertaining responses as well. I recommend telling all of your servers the good news in hopes of getting free dessert. Gotta work that baby mama angle!

    xoxo,

    Candy

  3. Queenie

    Mar 6, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    LOL! When I told me mom I was pregnant she said “on purpose???”

  4. Kate

    Jun 15, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Love your site! Im not a mom, but I think you are hilarious! Good luck with your new baby girl.

Add Comment Register



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>