‘Cosmopolitan’ Introduces Most Erotic Sex Position Ever: The Please-Him Pretzel Twist

Photo illustration by Gallery of the Absurd

Carnal challenge: 

EROTIC INSTRUCTIONS:
Lie on the floor, a bed or a litter-free street corner.  Position your man so he can get a clear view of you making a fool of yourself.   Prepare your body with a doctor-recommended aid, such as a Vicodin-tini, to help relax your limbs to the point that Gumby would seem stiff in comparison.  Place right leg over left shoulder, left leg over right shoulder, right arm over left leg and left arm over right leg.  Unclench your buttocks, then juggle four plates on your head while singing Sade’s “No Ordinary Love” in a sexy, yet not too slutty, manner.

WHY YOU’LL LOVE IT:
There’s nothing sexier than looking like you belong in an Auntie Anne’s oven. While your confused partner tries to figure out whether he’s supposed to use your exposed backdoor or dip you in salt — or both — you can enjoy the supersexy vulnerable feeling of being more twisted than a Lindsay Lohan car wreck.

If you like this week’s position, try…

The Headspin Spread Eagle