Top 10 Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Husband
Jan 21, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Musings | Tags: The Surreal Life
There are many things for which you simply cannot prepare when becoming a mother, one of which are the things that will escape your lips. No, not things like DROOL, although that has certainly escaped and formed crust on my lips while nodding off in the midst of 3AM feeding sessions. (Sexy, I know.) I’m talking about words… crazy talk that, prior to having a baby, I never could have imagined saying. Even now when I hear the words coming from my mouth, I’m like, “Who AM I? Whose life is this?”
To wit: This list of the Top 10 Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Husband.
10. “Not now. My boobs are leaking.” (Lactation is the new headache.)
9. “A date…? Nah. I’d rather stay in.”
8. “Here — let me smell her butt.”
7. “Maybe a Mommy & Me class WOULDN’T be so cheesy, after all!
6. “I can’t wait till my breasts permanently deflate.”
5. “I’m going to vacuum.”
4. “Change the channel to SpongeBob.”
3. “Is that poop on the wall?”
2. “I need to feed her soon, so… MAKE MINE A VIRGIN.”
And the number one thing I never thought I’d say to my husband is:
1. “Push harder…! It should fit in my trunk.”
Deeva
says:
Thanks for the laugh! I needed it today.
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:52 am -Mr. Candy
says:
Just to clarify.
#3, the answer was, unfortunately, YES. Don’t ask me how it got there, it wasn’t mine.
#1, Candy is talking about the Snap n’ Go fitting into her car. . . so get your minds out of the gutter.
January 22nd, 2010 at 12:25 pm -Gina from Oregon
says:
I assumed she was talking about a stroller Mr. Candy. What are ~YOU~ talking about?? Hmmmm??
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:31 pm -Zay
says:
u guys are sooo funny!!
January 24th, 2010 at 5:23 pm -Sara
says:
I have never been on this website before but so glad i found it. Everything is so so true and absolutely hilarious! Some stuff you just dont understand until your a parent.
Thanks!
January 28th, 2010 at 1:18 pm -