When the Hubby Travels, Candy Unravels
Dec 17, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Featured,Musings | Tags: Losing My Mind
To all the single parents out there, I would just like to tip my hat to you and scream, OMIGOD, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DO IT?!
Seriously, guys. I bow down to you. For the past couple months, Mr. Candy has been traveling 2-5 days a week so I’ve essentially been a weekday single mother. In the thirteen years Mr. Candy and I have been together, he has NEVER traveled this much. Have a baby and… ADIOS, DADDY! It kills him to be away from us this much, I know. But I’m the one writing this column so let’s talk about MY woes, shall we?
Ahhhhhhh, that sure feels good. Having a selfish moment, that is.
Miss Skye doesn’t seem to appreciate that Mama needs a break sometimes. She’s all, feed me! Clean me! Play with me! Love me! Get me out of the closet! Geesh.
The kid has also made some unfortunate executive decisions in Mr. Candy’s absence, namely the decision to STOP SLEEPING. With no family around, you know who’s shouldering all of these sleepless nights with her, right? Yes! The kitties! Okay, me and the kitties, who usually sit at my feet as I feed and soothe the cute savage beast on the rocking chair. They smirk like, hey, you asked for this, woman.
When a four-month-old refuses to sleep, there is really only one thing a mother can do: call friends and family in a pathetic plea for sympathy. Because there is nothing a new mom likes more than sympathy. Well, except for sleep. And somebody exclaiming, “Holy cow, Mama. You’ve lost TOO MUCH weight!” (Still patiently waiting for that one. And waiting… Oh, forget it, people.)
Of course these calls invariably lead to batting around all the possible reasons the baby won’t sleep at night.
Growth spurt? Maybe.
Teething? I don’t think so.
Worried about Tiger and Elin? Naturally. Skye STILL can’t believe he didn’t wear a condom with all those mistresses.
Cold? Um, the kid lives in L.A. It was 75 degrees today. She wore a bikini to Starbucks.
Held her too much as a newborn? For the hundredth time, NO, MOM! (*Gulp* Did I…?)
Hungry? Definitely. Skylar has developed this lovely habit of becoming distracted when she nurses during the day, usually by something VERY exciting like the paint on the ceiling. So she is on, off, on, off, on, off more frequently than LiLo and Sam’s relationship. Not only does it drive me nuts, but I also suspect she ends up not eating enough due to her NEED to stare at the dust on the table. (One way in which she takes after my mom, apparently.) And the recent introduction of rice cereal has not helped. Perhaps because more of it ends up in my hair than in her stomach.
Which could explain why she wakes up every two hours like clockwork — every HOUR last night, oy — to eat, and why I absentmindedly poured pretzels instead of Meow Mix into the kitties’ bowls today.
Hey. They should just be happy they got food. Don’t they know there are cats in Africa that would be THRILLED to get a bowl of honey wheat sticks?
The kid also — oh, I’m on a roll now! — is the lightest sleeper I’ve ever encountered. As soon as I put her down in the crib, her eyes fly open. Probably because she heard someone sneeze in Moscow. Then she WAILS. Probably because she’s sad for those poor pretzel-less cats in Africa.
Which is my long-winded way of saying, BOY, do I miss Mr. Candy. He was due to finally get back tonight, but alas… the plane had mechanical problems so he is stuck in Iowa for yet another night. Can you believe that shit? What’s a little “mechanical problem” when THERE IS A MOTHER IN DIRE NEED OF SLEEP?! C’mon. Get your priorities straight, airline folks.
*SIGH* If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go drown my sorrows by sucking the rice cereal off my hair.
Cowgirl in the Sand
says:
Ah, poor Mama. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time! Hopefully she’ll get past this stage soon and start sleeping more regularly. I think it’s normal for 4 months old to regress in their sleep cycles a bit b/c they are going through a pretty major developmental spurt. At the end of it, I think she’ll be able to do long division or something like that.
My S is also easily distracted while nursing. Not only does she have the ceiling to ponder, but a 2-year old brother who fascinates her. It’s nearly impossible to get her to nurse while he’s in the room, and since I’m home alone with them, he’s ALWAYS in the room. Unless he’s in the dog’s crate. In which case, S watches the dog pace around the living room.
Fingers crossed that things get easier for both of us! Oh, and have I mentioned? You’ve lost WAY too much weight.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:36 pm -Another Sleepless Mom
says:
Oh Candy I feel your pain!! My 6 week old decided this week with mommy going back to work to not sleep anymore at night. We are bottle feeling him but do you think the hubby (who by the way is staying at home with the baby for the time being) can get up at least once during the night with him? NOPE! He’s too tired. Mommy works all day and then takes care of the baby all night……Hum, something is not right here….
December 18th, 2009 at 8:04 am -Deeva
says:
My husband pulled the same routine Sleepless Mom. I finally started kicking him out of bed! You have to or you will go insane.
I feel for you Candy, I’ve been there. Just hang in there and know it does get better!
December 18th, 2009 at 2:00 pm -Mrs. Harrison Ford
says:
Mama, you have lost so much weight! (There, now somebody has said it!)
December 19th, 2009 at 8:48 am -Moonlight Dancer
says:
Wow! I had no idea Ally McBeal was reading your blog Candy. That should cheer you up.
That unfortunately reminds me of the disturbing dancing baby they had on that show. Let’s hope Skylar never gets up and does a similar crazy dance.
December 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am -bassinet
says:
It will get better. I just took a family vacation with my 5 year old niece. 8 days and not one major meltdown. There were a few tremors but no full explosions. She has had her moments over the past few years but we are starting to see a significant positive behavorial change for the better. Hang in there, good stuff to come!
February 7th, 2010 at 2:45 pm -