Conversation Skills: Officially Down the Crapper

ME: How was your day?

MR. CANDY: Good! The client liked our proposal –

ME: Skylar’s poop turned green today.

MR. CANDY: Green?

ME: Bright.

MR. CANDY: Oh. Well, ANYWAY, I may have to go to Brazil for some focus groups –

ME: But then it went back to seedy yellow.

MR. CANDY: … São Paulo, probably — er, excuse me?

ME: The poop. It’s yellow again.

MR. CANDY: That’s great! Just… great.

ME: I’m sorry, you were saying…?

MR. CANDY: Focus groups in São Paulo next month –

ME: Apparently, it means she’s getting too much of the foremilk.

MR. CANDY: …for just a couple days. [PAUSE] What?

ME: The green poop. Means I need to keep her on one boob longer so she gets the cheesecake-y hindmilk, too.

MR. CANDY: [LONG PAUSE] Cheesecake-y?

ME: Yes. Like cheesecake.

MR. CANDY: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

ME: That makes two of us.

3 Responses to “Conversation Skills: Officially Down the Crapper”

Mette says:

Hehe – I know the feeling
November 5th, 2009 at 12:26 am - Reply
Ailen says:

Yes. It’s very important for you to keep her on one boob so she gets the hindmilk. My baby wasn’t getting enough hindmilk, and his poop was green and really runny — it would shoot out of his butt like a missile and attack us. In my opinion, this topic is much more riveting than Sao Paulo!
November 5th, 2009 at 6:58 am - Reply
Cowgirl in the Sand says:

That’s about where my conversation skills are as well. Baby poop is riveting…and it only gets more interesting as they start eating solids. “Oh look, it turns out he doesn’t digest the wheatberries in his sandwich bread…or the sunflower seeds. Neat.”*

*actual comment I made about my 2-yr old a couple weeks ago
November 5th, 2009 at 10:03 am - Reply