Aug 27, 2009
“Live”-Blogging ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’: The Beautiful Dolls Pageant
:05 – Four-year-old Skylar’s mom decides to shave Skylar’s eyebrows because she “hates unibrows!” So she makes Skylar lie down on the bed, where she shaves her daughter’s unsightly brows:
Who needs Chuck E. Cheese’s when you can have THIS kind of fun?!
:06 – Five-year-old Kailee’s mom admits she spends upwards of $9,000/year on pageants. But “it’s okay… can’t put a price on something your kid loves to do.” Wow. Well, she’d better hope Kailee never decides she “loves” collecting Ferraris.
:07 – Five-year-old Sterling and three-year-old Paris like to use “magic hair”:
“Do what you gotta do to be beautiful,” says their mother of the “magic hair.” I’m sure Nic Cage would agree.
:08 – Skylar’s casual wear for the pageant has a cop theme. Because I know when I want to be casual, I often wear a blinged-out police uniform that says “Bad Cop, No Donut” on the back.
:12 – Sterling gets her first “flipper” — aka false teeth — because she’s lost some teeth. “The smile has to be flawless or you don’t even have a chance,” reveals her mom. When Sterling talks with the uncomfortable flipper in her mouth, she looks like Larry King with his dentures. Flawless, indeed!
:14 – Mom tells Skylar during their daily practice session: “That [performance] was boo-rrring.” With encouragement like that, who needs the media to make you feel bad about yourself?
:16 – Skylar’s dad admits he’s — GASP! — not a fan of pageants: “Don’t know if mothers are doing it for their kids or doing it for themselves. I know this seems mean, BUT… oftentimes it seems a lot of the mothers are extremely overweight and not very healthy.”
Well, that’s just rude.
:19 – Sterling and Paris’s mom promises she won’t push them too hard — then tells the girls, “We’re going to kill [the competition] – KILL them!”
:26 – Wearing “Go Sterling/Go Paris” t-shirts, the girls’ family says a prayer: “Please help my girls so they can bring home the crown.” Let’s hope God isn’t too distracted by war and famine to answer their prayers!
:31 – Kailee tells another girl she is the “most prettiest girl” and she “hopes she does good on stage.” Yeah, Kailee needs to stop with the niceties already and kick up the bitchiness a notch.
:35 – Pageant time! And… uh-oh. Skylar’s routine is “off.” Thankfully, Skylar’s mom handles it with grace and understanding…
…No! I kid! She’s an uptight mess.
:46 – As you can see, the routines are natural and laid-back:
:47 – Kailee sees “all the smaller crowns” and cries: “I don’t WANT a smaller crown! If they give me one, I’ll be so mad.” At least the kids are learning about graciousness.
:54 – OMG! Did that mom really just say “OMG?!”
:56 — Didn’t Paris and Nicky Hilton wear these outfits last Halloween?
:59 And the winner of the Ultimate Grand Supreme and five-hundred bucks is…
Alyceaundra!
Hell, I’ll give the kid another five-hundred bucks if she can spell her freakin’ name.
Eize
says:
What I’d like to see is a mother-daughter competition. Then they come out in pairs wearing identical costumes like the ones on the last pic.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:50 am -Debutante
says:
These freak shows should be outlawed !!! And those mothers given nothing but water for about a year !
August 27th, 2009 at 7:41 am -helloandie
says:
my heart breaks for little girls with pageant moms.
August 27th, 2009 at 8:51 am -michelle
says:
I think Skylar’s mom, Kim needs to lay off the ‘tweak’! Shes acting high as a kite, sucking on her face and what not; watch it again, you’ll see. Poor girl
August 28th, 2009 at 2:24 am -cindy
says:
Great write up Candy! I watch the show with shock and fascination. Can’t believe the moms.
Remember that girl Tootie/Madison? Crazy.
xo
August 31st, 2009 at 3:33 pm -stacie
says:
my grandaughter loves pageants, and you cant make her do anything she doesnt like, have you tried to get them to clean their rooms, not if they dont like it, what about eating their veggies, not if they dont want to so lay off pageants and start taking a closer look at soccer moms they will scream hit curse at the other kids, or referees, you do anything like that at A pageant and your gone no if ands or bad names allowed.
September 29th, 2009 at 4:29 pm -Katlin
says:
I really for sorry for these poor girls, they deserve a childhood.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 am -