Aug 3, 2009
Labor of Love
I don’t mean to brag, but I capped off July 2009 with QUITE a productive week. I finally dragged my butt to the nail salon to get a much-needed mani-pedi. Scrubbed off the tomato sauce that had exploded in our microwave. And what else…? Oh yeah, that’s right! I had a baby.
SO much harder than I expected. Cleaning the crusty Prego Garden Italian Sauce, that is. As for giving birth to my little one, I am overjoyed to report that went more smoothly than I ever could have dreamed.
With my due date fast approaching and parents growing increasingly concerned they would have to leave Los Angeles having only — *SOB* — spent time with ME, their failure of a daughter who’d failed to produce their granddaughter in time, I’d scheduled an induction for Thursday the 30th at 2AM. This seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do given I was ripe, the baby was low and the doctor was supportive of inducing. It was time to rock ‘n’ roll! Yes, a totally reasonable plan UNTIL… Tuesday evening rolled around and I, um, started having second thoughts.
“I WISH THIS BABY WOULD JUST COME ON HER OWN!” I sobbed to Mr. Candy, who patted my head and distracted me with chocolate, as he had throughout most of my pregnancy.
Fast forward to 11:40 p.m. In the midst of watching David Letterman’s monologue in our bedroom, I felt it: a pain radiating from my back, to my front, all the way down to my toes. Letterman’s jokes can be cringe-worthy, especially the “Bill Clinton likes the ladies” jokes that grew tired in 1999, but I was fairly certain they were not the cause of my pain. Rather I had experienced my first REAL contraction. And, might I add, ow.
“I didn’t know you were capable of squeezing that hard,” Mr. Candy winced while rubbing what remained of his right hand.
That night/morning taught me I was capable of MANY things of which I wasn’t aware.
The ows continued every twenty minutes the first hour, then came faster and harder until we grabbed our bags and Ted (my trusty teddy bear, of course) around 4:00 a.m. and headed to the hospital. What followed that morning is utterly surreal: got an epidural fairly quickly — and, might I add, aaaahhhh — went from 3 1/2 cm to 9 cm dilated in a matter of a few hours; my parents joined us when I was about 8 cm (Mom stayed for the delivery; Dad wisely headed to the waiting room); pushed for about 35 minutes; and, before I could even believe it, the nurse was placing this beautiful, writhing, slimy, SCREEEAAAAMING little thing on my chest. I felt like SuperWoman. A SuperWoman who couldn’t feel her legs, the epidural was that strong, but a SuperWoman nonetheless. Superpower: Baby Makin’. To which I promptly responded by blubbering like a baby, myself.
Oh, my god. I was a mother.
After labor, I was shaking with the chills pretty severely (a common side effect) so Mr. Candy and my mom showered me with love, concern and appreciation for giving birth to their gorgeous, albeit wrinkly, miracle of a daughter/granddaughter. . . No! I kid! They immediately left my side and followed the nurse around because she was carrying their gorgeous miracle of a daughter/granddaughter. I was already old news. Much like Letterman’s Clinton jokes. But I couldn’t blame them. Hell, I would have followed the nurse, too — “WHERE YOU GOIN’ WIT’ MAH BABY?!” — only there was the small matter of not being able to feel my legs and all.
So, yeah, turns out Baby Girl had been planning to make a prompt debut all along. Labor started on her due date. World premiere the next day. I needn’t have worried so incessantly, after all.
Which the little prankster found QUITE amusing:
Candy looks forward to reacquainting her hair with shampoo
Either that, or she’d just passed gas.
Welcome to the world, Miss Skylar Kirby Engle. (Skylar because it’s not too common, but also not too crazy. Kirby because I like the idea of passing on my legacy. Engle because Clooney didn’t want his name on the birth certificate.)
I never knew my heart could be filled with such immediate, unconditional, heart-bursting love.
Also, a big shout-out to Laughing Stork reader Cowgirl in the Sand, who had HER baby girl, Sophia Grace, just one day later. Let’s get this baby party started!
Lacey
says:
Ohhh, so happy to read all about the big event! Skylar is a beautiful name, and she is a beautiful baby. Can’t wait to read more about your adventures as a new mom!
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:42 am -Dali
says:
She is beautiful. And you look great as well for someone who produced a human being within hours.LOL.
Congrats and happiness to you and all of your family.
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:20 am -lainey
says:
Aw. She’s adorable. With only 10 wks to go in my pregnancy it’s so nice to hear a non-horror story labor. I look forward to following into the adventure of parenthood with you.
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:18 am -Momma Puppet
says:
Love this piecezn Hot Momma Candy! Your itty-bitty will cherish your writings!!
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:41 am -Debutante
says:
Loved hearing all of the (not so) gory details Candy ! You look great ! (even with the hair) ! Congrats again
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:54 am -helene
says:
ohhh, i think i might cry
i’m just 14 weeks pregnant, but i sooooo wish it could be february now 
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:49 pm -congrats on your beautiful skylar, and welldone superWoman
Catherine
says:
Yeah Candy!!! we are ALLL so excited for you! My dad wanted to go hang pink balloons on your parents house- until I reminded him that THEY AREN”T HOME!!!! oh parents! i hope my delivery is as smooth as yours!
so happy for you! my mom was shipping something off to you this week!!
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:23 pm -Alex
says:
Congrats! And you look great in the pics!
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:19 pm -Sharon
says:
Congrats, Candy! And Cowgirl!
Also, Candy: how are the cats relating (or not relating, for that matter) to the baby?
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm -Eize
says:
Congratulations, Candy and Cowgirl!!!
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:48 pm -Candy
says:
Thanks, everyone!
The cats’ reactions have been interesting, to say the least, Sharon. Not bad — just the opposite of what I’d expected. I will probably be writing about that in another column!
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:23 pm -Dr. L.
says:
Candy, can I just say this? You a one hot looking ex-pregnant lady!
Dr. L.
August 7th, 2009 at 1:52 pm -Jenn F.
says:
Glad to hear everything went smoothly… congratulations on your new addition!
Hope everything goes well for you too, Cowgirl.
August 9th, 2009 at 7:32 am -kathleen
says:
Hey Candy –
Methinks Skylar is, of all your creative efforts, a most exemplary production.
All best wishes to you, to her, and to Mr. Candy.
Kathleen
August 18th, 2009 at 6:31 pm -Laney Susie
says:
If a kiss was a raindrop i’d send u showers.if a hug was a second i’d send u hours.if a smile was water i’d send u a sea.if love was a person i’d send u me!
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:11 pm -