Why Women Have Babies

Candy white-knuckles the bathroom counter, breathing through her Braxton-Hicks contractions.

MR. CANDY: OUCH!

He jumps back from the mirror, wincing in agony.

CANDY: (BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT…) What’s wrong?

MR. CANDY: My eyebrow!

Candy closes her eyes. It feels like somebody has wrapped a rubber band around her abdomen, pulled it back as far as it will go…

CANDY: (WEAKLY) What about it?

…And SNAPPED it.

MR. CANDY: I just plucked an extra-thick hair. And it hurt, man!

CANDY: I’m having false contractions here. And you’re complaining about a FREAKING EYEBROW HAIR?

MR. CANDY: Did I mention it was extra-thick?

Random sidebar: I always want to call them “Taylor Hicks” contractions. Weird, right? Soul Patrol labor!

5 Responses to “Why Women Have Babies”

Eize says:

So, to share your pain, someone plucks Mr. Candy’s eyebrows.

Yikes.
June 23rd, 2009 at 6:10 pm - Reply
Rebecca says:

Yeah right, just wait Mr Candy until your bundle of joy starts pulling your hair. And not just one but a fistful.
June 24th, 2009 at 6:01 am - Reply
Lacey (Laptops to Lullabies) says:

Ooh! False contractions! How close are you???
June 24th, 2009 at 6:04 am - Reply
Candy says:

35 weeks, Lacey. Getting there…
June 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am - Reply
Cowgirl in the Sand says:

If my husband had to be the pregnant one, he’d be on disability leave, lying on the couch all day, demanding to be taken care of while he moaned about how much pain his body was in. And this is just to endure the third trimester…forget about labor and delivery!
June 24th, 2009 at 7:03 pm - Reply