May 21, 2009

Word of the Day: Mommy Stalker

Mommy Stalker (mom’ee stôk’er) n.

1. A woman with children and no other employment, who nonetheless employs a housekeeper and full-time nannies and, therefore, has ample time to prey upon other mothers and harass them about going to the movies, having girls’ nights out, holding slumber parties and braiding each other’s hair, etc. — with no concept that other women actually spend time with their kids.

2. A mother in dire need of adult conversation who “casually” hangs out in the grocery store in hopes of meeting other mothers. This kind of stalker can be immediately identified by the wild look of desperation in her eye and dried formula in her hair. She may also be incoherently mumbling the “Barney” theme song over and over.

3. One who hunts MILFs. (See also: Ashton Kutcher; Jesus Luz)

Sentence usage: “Danger! Steer clear of the cereal aisle. There’s a mommy stalker trying to lure women back to her house by offering them ‘free’ Cap’n Crunch coupons!”