May 12, 2009
He Said, She Said: Advice Column for Celebrity Offspring
Welcome to He Said, She Said, a column in which The Laughing Stork’s resident life coaches field readers’ most pressing e-mails with their trademark sensitivity.
DEAR DAVID AND SHILOH:
Strange ladies are ALWAYS flirting with my daddy and telling him that he’s “hot.” I offered to get him a glass of water if he’s so hot, but he just laughed and told me that’s not what they mean.
I don’t like how these silly women look at Dad when he takes his shirt off at the beach. He belongs to my mom! What should I do?
AvaJackman@aol.com
_____________________________________________________________
TO AVAJACKMAN:
DAVID: Sorry about that. I’ll tell my mom to cut it out.
SHILOH: I don’t see what the big deal is. That’s how MY mommy and daddy got together!
_____________________________________________________________
DEAR DAVID AND SHILOH:
I just got a new baby sister and hate that she’s getting ALL of the attention! It used to be all about me, me, me! Is it okay if I just sell her to somebody else? Maybe to those weird men with cameras who live on our sidewalk?
V-Affleck@yahoo.com
_____________________________________________________________
TO V-AFFLECK:
DAVID: You’re in luck! My mom happens to be in the market for a new baby girl. Just let us know how much she costs, and your PayPal address.
SHILOH: You’re complaining about ONE lousy sister? Get a grip, girl! When you have to deal with a whole litter of siblings fighting for your parents’ attention, then come talk to me. I’m lucky when MY mom remembers my name!
_____________________________________________________________
DEAR DAVID AND SHILOH:
My mommy used to be a big star on “Full House,” but things aren’t so great now. Daddy says she is drinking bad stuff and doing drugs again, and she is even being sued for not paying the fees on our house.
I’m so worried. Is there anything I can do to help her?
JodieSweetinsDaughter@comcast.net
_____________________________________________________________
TO JODIESWEETINSDAUGHTER:
DAVID: How AWFUL and embarrassing! … Your mom was on “Full House”?
SHILOH: Whenever we’re having a rough time, we go to our $70-million, 35-bedroom chateau in France to relax. It’s great. You should totally get one, too!
Rebecca
says:
I should get a $70-million, 35-bedroom chateau in France – like totally! I think it’s my constitutional/civil/human right to chill out on the Cote d’Azure.
May 12th, 2009 at 1:34 pm -