Apr 17, 2009

Candy’s Top 5 Ways to Calm a Crying Baby

I’m just going to say it:  I do not look forward to sleepless, crying-filled nights.   Who would enjoy that?  I mean, hell, that’s probably why Samantha Ronson broke up with Lindsay Lohan.

In preparation for this inevitability, I checked out ABC News, which has five tips from Dr. Karp – an apparent Baby Whisperer — for soothing the savage baby:

1.  Swaddle the baby

2.  Lay the munchkin in  a side/stomach position

3.  Shush softly in the little one’s ear

4.  Swing the baby

5.  Encourage the crying culprit to suck on a pacifier

Hmmmm.  All fine suggestions, sure, but I believe Dr. Candy has even MORE effective tips for getting a colicky baby to sleep immediately:

1.  Pop “The English Patient” in the DVD player

2.  Introduce the baby to his new friend, Jack Daniels

3.  Ask an accountant to babysit

4.  Play the Al Gore Audio Books on CD collection

5.  Get the little one a job as a C-SPAN camera operator

One Response to “Candy’s Top 5 Ways to Calm a Crying Baby”

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1. Eize says:

   #4 may be detrimental. Candy Jr. could suddenly start sounding like Uncle Al.

   April 17th, 2009 at 2:28 am - Reply