Listen Up, Ladies: Guys Reveal Fave Mattress Moves!

Apr 12, 2009 | Filed Under: Sex | Tags: Cosmopolitan, Women's Magazines

If you’ve been too busy working and taking care of your family to GET busy, you’re in luck:  that especially lusty member of the family of women’s magazines, Cosmopolitan, has published a CliffsNote’s guide to men’s “all-time favorite mattress moves.”  That’s right, ALL-TIME FAVORITES!

Here’s what they — and I — had to say:

JAMIE: “I can’t be the only guy who loves when a woman licks that soft patch of skin in front of my ears.”

CANDY:  If you close your eyes, a St. Bernard would be happy to the same. And won’t expect you to call in the morning.

DONNY: “When I lean in to kiss you, hold the back of my head gently in your hand. It’s tender yet sexy.”

CANDY: That’s your favorite move EVER?   Hmmm.  Your wife must be listening.

TY: “Seeing a woman’s lips glide over the neck of a beer bottle always makes me think of her mouth on me.”

CANDY:  That’s interesting. When I glide my lips over the neck of a beer bottle, I always think — why am I sucking on this instead of the opening? Must be time for another Sam Adams!

JAKOB:  “Once, my office phone rang, and when I answered, I heard my girlfriend at home moaning about how good it feels to touch herself.”

CANDY:  Unfortunately, she forgot to ask if she was on speakerphone.

KEN: “The night after I got a big promotion, my girlfriend said she was going to give me only oral sex all night.”

CANDY:  Sadly, that was the last thing she said before suffering permanent lockjaw.