Feb 19, 2009

The Beautiful Mother-Daughter Relationship

CANDY’S MOM:  I can’t believe you’re quoting me in your column now!

CANDY (WITH TREMENDOUS SYMPATHY):  Well, believe it.

CANDY’S MOM: It was an innocent comment.  I didn’t mean anything by it.

CANDY:  Uh-huh.

CANDY’S MOM: That’s it.  I’m not saying anything about you and the baby ever again!

CUT TO:  ONE MINUTE LATER

CANDY’S MOM: … I’ve been SO waiting for you to have a daughter; a little terror, just like you were!  You know what they say about karma… I’m going to be snickering the whole time –

CANDY:  Mom?

CANDY’S MOM: Yeah?

CANDY:  You do realize I’m writing this down, right?

CANDY’S MOM: (PAUSE)  Damn!

Editor’s note:  Toddler Candy was nothing but an angel sent from heaven.  Those SCREEEEAAAAMING tantrums on the department store floor…?   Merely a precocious child’s dramatic interpretation of the pain and sadness inherent in Picasso’s Blue Period.  …No?  Oh, okay, Toddler Candy was a little terror.  Karma will indeed be a bitch.