Sep 28, 2008

Totally Sober: Heather Locklear

Oh, Heather.

Heather Locklear — once known as the woman who could single-handedly revive any struggling TV show — has officially joined the not-so-exclusive Celebrity DUI Club.  Her welcome gift:  this lovely mugshot to be used in humiliating TMZ slideshows for years to come.

Apparently, the L’Oréal spokeswoman doesn’t use their Waterproof Volume-Building Mascara — and why not?  Because she’s not worth it™?!

Heather was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance — which turned out to be “prescription medication” — in Santa Barbara, where Heather was pulled over by an officer Saturday afternoon after a resident reported seeing the actress leaving a parking lot and “driving erratically.”  The officer finally tracked down Heather’s car parked on a state highway and blocking a lane.

Hey, we all like to take a mid-highway nap sometimes!

However, “in talking with her, (the officer) determined that she seemed to be under the influence of something,” so Heather was taken to the police station, where she was tested for alcohol and drugs, and recited classically bitchy “Melrose Place” lines for officers, such as:

You’re right. I did over pack. Feel free to borrow anything you can squeeze into.”

Zing!

Well, she should have.  I know I would’ve cleared her of all charges for sprinkling some Amanda Woodward goodness my way.  Besides, we all know this is Denise Richards’ fault!  Heather’s DUI… the financial crisis… all signs point to Denise, really.  Denise Richards:  It’s Censurable.


Filed under: Pop Culture
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4 Responses to “Totally Sober: Heather Locklear”

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  1. zfiledhNo Gravatar says:

    Her eyes are frickin’ HUGE!!!

  2. martini loverNo Gravatar says:

    she looks sad and scared.

  3. midevilNo Gravatar says:

    Damn that Denise Richards! She can ruin anything – including the economy! I say burn her at the stake – but tape her foul mouth shut! …poor Heather…

  4. librarian kathleenNo Gravatar says:

    I’m with midevil on this one. Damn that skanky Denise.

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